I’ve often talked about the importance of budgeting. Sadly, most people live paycheck to paycheck, many of them going into credit card debt to make ends meet. It is an endless cycle that causes stress and anxiety. When presented with the concept of saving, the response is, “I wish! I’m barely making it now. Any extra money I have goes to paying down my debts. And when new bills for repairs come up, they’re never cheap. I need a fairy godmother or a money tree.”

The first step to budgeting is distinguishing between wants and needs. We all need to have a roof over our head, food, clothes, and utilities. Wants, on the other hand, vary from person to person, and time and place.

“Wants” tend to wreak havoc on budgets, because while they are momentary, they are very seductive. Even when wants are calculated into the budget, what do you do when the budgeted allotment has been used? Do you just forgo the desire or move some money from some other pocket, the proverbial “steal from Peter to pay Paul” scenario? Or do you just charge it because it was just too good to pass on?

One thing that I’ve noticed about wants is that once I achieve any of them, they are hardly as good as I thought they would be. The anticipation was more titillating than the actual item I wanted. Then the negative feeling about wasting time, money and/or calories comes back.

The second step to living debt-free is to cancel and cut up your charge cards. If you don’t presently have the money to make the purchase, skip it. The odds are that if you wait a little while, you will have time to think about what is important and if this is an impulse buy versus something that is really needed.

I heard a great plan for living debt-free called the 75-15-10 plan. The plan looks at every dollar brought in and tells us that $.75 is used for our spending. $.15 goes into an investment account, while $.10 is deposited into a savings account. And for those who think, “I can’t do that. I can hardly afford what I’m doing now,” the response is to consider this another tax on your pay.

Nobody brings home their gross pay; they only get their net pay and must make that work. If one sees this $.25 going into another pocket, unlike the taxes, it will grow later in life and will be yours. And you’d be amazed how fast your investments and savings/emergency funds grow. For example, someone bringing home $400 per week would break it down to $300 for expenses, $60 for investment and $40 for savings/emergency fund. In one year, one would have secured $2,080 for emergencies/savings, $3,120 for investments and $15,600 for living expenses as opposed to just spending $20,800 with nothing to show for it.

The “magic” is in following a system. Systems work, may it be weight loss, bodybuilding, studying, financial planning, etc. Find a system that makes sense to you, follow it, and you’ll be amazed at the results.

If you would like to explore this or any other topic, feel free to reach out and make an appointment to talk.

Looking forward to connecting.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services
(574) 233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

With Passover in the rear window, we have moved into the sefirat omer (49 days), heading into the Shavuot holiday. Beginning on the second night of Passover, we started counting the omer—the sheaf offering that was brought to the Temple, in praise to Hashem for the new crops. Originally a happy time, this period turned to one of sadness, when 12,000 pairs of Rabbi Akiva’s (1st century) students died in a plague that lasted for a 33-day period.

The Rabbis explain that this plague was due to the students not conducting themselves properly with their peers. I must admit that I always found this hard to understand. Our Torah teaches how important it is to have respect for others, regardless of their station in life. After all, we are all created in Hashem’s image. As a result, we must live up to that standard. That being said, how can we understand the Rabbis condemnation of the students who were immersed in Torah learning? How could they have made such a grave error?

When I attended college. I took a course entitled, “Food, Science and Nutrition.” The professors teaching the course had literally written the book. Yet, when it came to their personal lives and what they would ingest, it seemed that they forgot their research. Some doctors even smoke today, while telling us that it could lead to cancer. Back in the 1960s, Camel cigarettes were heavily promoted as the choice of doctors, with the slogan “More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette.” Why the seeming disconnect?

I believe the disconnect is due to lack of internalization. We can learn a lot of things, but until we begin to use that knowledge and make it our own, it remains in the abstract. The Rabbis tell us that it takes a month to inculcate changes in our repertoire. But, when we internalize the habit or message, it becomes a “reflex” to act in that manner.

For example, everyone recognizes the need for exercise, yet many people have difficulty incorporating a routine into their daily life. The same could be said for eating a proper diet, personal care time, spiritual life, decluttering, etc. We all understand the importance of these things in the abstract, but when it comes to actualization, it is hard to implement. Again, I would suggest that until one internalizes the significance of any of the items just mentioned, nothing will change.

That is what I think happened to the students. While they could probably quote all of the writings about how to treat their fellow man, when it came down to it, it didn’t translate into action. Our Rabbis saw the flaw and warned the future generations that it is not enough to learn; action is the most important. As it states in Pirkei Avot—The Ethics of Our Fathers- “Study is not the main thing, rather practice is.”

As a result of the tragedy of the students dying, during the omer period, we don’t cut our hair, participate in marriages, or happy events, listen to live music., etc. We take on many of the laws of mourning, with the intended plan to treat our brethren with greater respect, thus repairing the damage of Rabbi Akiva’s students.

As I have written before, everyone wants to feel wanted and appreciated. It doesn’t take much to accomplish this. It could be a phone call, text, home visit, or just smiling at someone as they pass you on the street. Just to illustrate the point, I read a story about the importance of acknowledging a passing stranger. Apparently, a suicide note was found which stated, “If even one person says hello to me, I won’t commit suicide.” Sadly, no one acknowledged that person on that day.

Let’s use this time period to correct our ancestors’ flaws and as the old AT&T commercial said, “Reach out and touch someone.” Show that we care.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

It was fun to see my cousins, aunts, and uncles and to celebrate in only the way a family can. We would sing the songs and read the Haggadah. Of course, the meal was great since we would have food not served the rest of the year. And while I missed my challah, I knew that it would be back before I knew it.

What I always found interesting was that we used the best dishes, and nothing was held back. On one hand, we were commemorating our release from slavery and eating unleavened bread, bitter herbs, etc., to remember our times as slaves in Egypt, yet we were acting like kings, simply reminiscing about our past. It would only be later that I would learn that Jewish law dictates that specifically on this holiday, and no other, are we to show the bountiful blessings in our appreciation of Hashem’s kindness and love of His people.

Along with “showing off our wealth,” there is an interesting statement at the beginning of the Seder in which we state, “This (matza) is the bread of affliction that our forefathers ate in Egypt; all who are hungry come and join us.” It is our proclamation that we want those who are in need to join us and sharing Hashem’s good bounty.

Recently, I received a call from someone in distress. Admittedly, I received the wrong signal and started to give ideas as to how to remedy the problem. The person stopped me and said, “All I want is a virtual hug and to know that someone cares about me. I immediately responded with, “Are you ready? I’m sending you one now.” After that call, I had a new insight as to the statement of “All who are hungry.” It is not only to have them join us and share in our bounty, rather it is to demonstrate that we care about them. They are part of our extended family, and we want to show our love. So, we invite them to join our family as we relive the exodus from Egypt.

In relation to that message, our Rabbis created the ma’ot chitim (money for food) program that is unique to Passover. Passover provisions were always more expensive, and the Rabbis wanted to ensure that everyone had enough money to purchase the matza, wine, and other foods for the Seder. It was their “virtual hug.”

This year, we are having our annual Passover fundraiser for our Jewish Family Services Virtual Food Pantry. Our goal is to raise $8,000. Your donation will allow us to help those in need for the Passover season and beyond. Our Pantry serves our Jewish brethren in the Michiana area. So please donate generously and involve your friends in this important campaign and, as a community, give a big virtual hug to our clients. Thank you, in advance, for your participation.

Have a chag kasher v’sameach—a happy and healthy Passover.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services

For example, we have experienced many days of snow this season, which meant people have had to shovel their walkway or driveway. While it gave some people the opportunity to get some exercise and shovel, it allowed others to take advantage and make some extra cash. I saw a lot of plows clearing out private properties as well as some people with shovels over their shoulders offering to remove the snow. It was also a chance to do an act of chessed (kindness) and, without fanfare, shovel out a neighbor’s sidewalk. Truly a plethora of possibilities afforded to us through the weather.

As the Director of Jewish Family Services, I try to keep my eyes open to employment opportunities. When I hear about them, I pass the information on to clients who have the appropriate skills and present them with an avenue to secure employment. Employment is much more than generating money. A job usually forces the person to leave their home and interact with other people. It gets a person out of their own head and presents another perspective on life. It aids in maintaining one’s self-esteem, as one has money with which to buy things without assistance. A job is an opportunity to expand one’s horizons.

The Federation recently held “A Taste of Chugim” fair in which we hosted many clubs, some that are already operational and some which are looking to generate interest and begin. The opportunities abound for communal involvement, including the Book Club, Film Club, Krav Maga, Meditation club, and so much more! And if what you were looking for was not there, we even asked you to write it down and let us know what you would like to be a part of. We are offering a way for you to find your niche and create your opportunities.

For those who may want to expand their spiritual and/or Jewish education, in addition to what the Federation offers, our local synagogues have a plethora of classes and prayer services. The amount of learning and growing opportunities for a city our size is unparalleled.

And for those who always wondered, “When will I ever use Hebrew unless I go to Israel?” our Shaliach, Omer, as well as others in town who are fluent, would love the opportunity to speak with you and help maintain, and even improve, your skills. As the saying goes, “Use it or lose it!”

The funny thing about opportunities is that you can’t reap any benefits from them without actually participating. Every program, activity, and/or job needs people to make them work. If you do not engage, then the opportunity is lost. And once that opportunity is gone, the odds are it will not come again.

So, I would encourage everyone to take advantage of the opportunities which are presented. You may be pleasantly surprised and happy that you took the leap.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

In Pirkei Avot (Ethics of Our Fathers) it states, “Accept a teacher upon yourself.” The Rabbis are instructing us not to assume that we can do it all, but to accept a person for yourself who can properly guide you. This puts the responsibility on the individual to find a person willing to work with them and help them according to their needs. As one needs to make sure that one’s investment advisor is working for one’s best interests, so too must one ensure oneself that one’s confidant/confidante, teacher, or professional coach is working to help you make yourself the best you that you can be.

Life coaching is a beautiful thing. It is a way to help others help themselves. Many people get into a rut and can’t seem to extricate themselves from the situation. Enter the life coach—an individual who listens to the client and tries to steer them in a direction which will be helpful and productive. The coach knows that lasting change will only happen if the client not only agrees with a new path, when necessary, but can best work when the client is the one to “discover” the methodology on their own with help encouraging assistance from the guide. Should that happen, the odds are that the change will be long-lasting.

Another thing that the coach may do is to help the client uncover underlying reasons for negative behavior patterns that could be holding a person back from living their best life. Without uncovering possible triggers, real problems may not be addressed. They can remain below the surface, causing damage to a person’s life. On the other hand, if a person can be helped to recognize issues that lie beneath the surface, when a methodology is created and practiced dealing with that trigger, the odds are increased that the individual will be able to conquer negative impulses and behavior. It is all about moving forward.

A life coach is not an MD, so they will not be able to prescribe drugs, making coaching an all-natural way to deal with one’s problems. Should drugs or some other intervention be necessary, the coach will advise the client to seek certified medical help. Coaching is structured to last for a brief period of time, depending on the problems that need to be addressed. While there may be multiple things that need to be worked on, the coach will normally work on one specific thing at a time. Success is built on a series of small victories.

If you think you could be helped by being life-coached, Jewish Famiy Services offers life coaching services. Additionally, we also have many in our area outside the Federation who would be happy to speak with you. The first step, namely recognizing that one could use guidance, is always the hardest. But once you take it, great things can happen.

Looking forward to connecting with you.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services
rabbinebel@thejewishfed.org
(574) 233-1164 x1806

The first snow has fallen. What a magical moment it was. As I saw the first few flakes fall, I reminisced how I used to look forward to sledding and making snowmen, having snowball fights with my friends, the hot chocolate drinks, and general fun that defined the winter. And then, I grew up and had to shovel out the driveway, scrape my windshield, slip and slide while shoveling, walking, or driving. Being cold was no longer the fun it once was. And without the warmth and seeing the sun daily, even Superman would grow weak!

Winter brings a challenge of short and cold days. It is so easy to just sit in your comfortable chair, use the remote and catch up with all the shows you’ve been meaning to watch. Binge watching is a winter sport. While that may be a way to spend your winter, I’d like to suggest something that may serve you better.

Start an exercise regimen. One can do calisthenics in the home while listening to some music or a lecture. YouTube has a lot of great classes online, as does Torah Anytime, Melton, Yeshiva University, etc. Listening and exercising is a great way to multitask and help exercise your body and mind. If you have a treadmill or some other aerobic exercise machines, or old “Dancing to the Oldies” videos, that also works. For those who continue to love the winter, who enjoy skiing, snow tubing, etc., I’m happy for you. You are already taking advantage of the possibilities this season offers. For the rest, my message is, “Put on your boots, dress warmly and take a walk.” It may be hard to take the initial steps, but in the long run, we all need to get out of our homes and get some outside time. The walks will help us not to go stir crazy. Go outside and brave the cold, while getting your vitamin D from the sunshine. There is nothing better than feeling the warm sun on your face. It substantially enhances one’s mood!

Another idea is to read some books or listen to books on tape. For those who enjoy puzzles, word search, etc., they are all good for mental stimulation. For those who enjoy attending classes, courses are held in the Federation, as well as the different synagogues in town. Check out the various choices available! Bob Feferman and Omer Karavani will be giving a course on “Israel Today” through Forever Learning. Make sure that you sign up. It should be a great class.

Wintertime can be either fanciful and magical or slippery and dangerous. The choice is yours. I say, “Let’s dress warmly, get out there, be careful, and most of all, make some magic.”

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

It’s all about having the correct attitude. The bank account or stock portfolio is not what determines wealth and happiness, it is the attitude of gratitude that will achieve that goal. The Rabbis teach us that we must thank Hashem for everything in life, even what we perceive as negative. We are supposed to view the negative through a positive, loving lens. It states in the Talmud:

“Our Sages tell the story of Rabbi Akiva who was traveling with a donkey, a candle, and a rooster. He went into a city to find a place to sleep and was turned away. ‘Everything Hashem does is for the best,’ he said, and went to spend the night in a field outside the city. His lamp blew out in the wind. ‘Everything Hashem does is for the best,’ he said once again. His rooster was mauled by a fox. ‘Everything Hashem does is for the best,’ he repeated. Then his donkey was eaten by a lion. Once again, Rabbi Akiva repeated the mantra, ‘Everything Hashem does is for the best.’

When he awoke in the morning, he ventured into the city and realized that bandits had attacked it during the night, capturing many people. Had he found a place to stay, he would probably have also been captured. Had the bandits noticed a lamp in a field nearby or heard his donkey or rooster, he might also have been in trouble. Instead, his life was saved by all the ‘bad’ things that happened to him.”

Rabbi Akiva could have responded, “What have I done to deserve this?” or “Why me?” But instead of seeing everything as a divine punishment, he saw it in a positive light and understood that everything is for the good. The ultimate expression of being happy with one’s lot!

When we hit roadblocks in our way, such as a job loss or some other difficulty, we are prone to falling into depression, anxiety, or anger. But if we acknowledge that what seems horrible to us may have a greater purpose, if we can choose Rabbi Akiva’s philosophy of “It’s all for the good” then our attitude and outlook can change. If we understand that it is all part of the “Plan,” we have a better chance of handling things that come our way, and with a positive outlook rather than a negative one, we can face any obstacles.  While events may not be under our control, our reaction to them is. We can choose how we view these events. So, let’s try to be like Rabbi Akiva and choose to see the good. Choose happiness!

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services
Jewish Federation of St. Joseph Valley

Baruch Hashem! Thanks to all our generous donors, we hit our $6K goal! A big THANK YOU to everyone who generously donated to our JFS Virtual Food Pantry Rosh Hashanah Appeal. The warmth and caring of this community always shine through. Our clients and I deeply appreciate your generosity.

The month of October is full of the Jewish holidays. Four out of the six Biblical holidays are celebrated this month. We start with Rosh Hashanah, acknowledging Hashem as our Monarch, then onto Yom Kippur, when we are likened to celestial beings praising Hashem. Then immediately, into Sukkot, when we leave our warm homes and enter our sukkah, showing that what we proclaimed on the High Holidays, namely that Hashem is our King and provides us with everything, was not just lip service, but rather a true feeling which we are acting upon. Finally, we enter Simchat Torah and celebrate another completed cycle through the entire Torah and immediately begin the Torah anew as we chant, “In the beginning” with excitement for another year. Then, it’s back to our regular routine. The main difference is that we are re-starting our year with renewed energy!

The same cycle and renewed vigor are also true for Jewish Family Services. Now that the appeal for the Virtual Pantry has successfully ended and is fully “stocked” for the next 4–5 months, we move on to the next important project, namely informing people of the upcoming changes in Medicare. One piece of exciting news is that the government has closed the “donut hole.” There is now a cap on what the patient must pay for prescriptions!

In order to keep you in the loop as to other Medicare changes that will take place in 2025 and how it may affect you, we are partnering with Oak St. Health, a partial sponsor of the Michiana Jewish Film Festival, who will present a class entitled “Medicare 101.” Oak St. Health is a healthcare facility in South Bend that prides itself in getting to know their patients and helping them get the most of their Medicare. Their website states:

“At Oak Street Health, our doctors and physicians take the time to get to know you and your needs. We can help you get the most out of your Medicare coverage, set up mail-order prescriptions, and coordinate healthcare services such as specialist appointments and social services. Our care teams develop personalized preventive care plans to help you achieve your physical and mental health goals.”

The class is planned for November 7, 2024, at 12 PM. G-d willing, Brand “Ess” Pizza will be served. Please register online at TheJewishFed.org/Medicare, so that we may plan accordingly. Looking forward to seeing and learning with you.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services, Jewish Federation of St. Joseph Valley
(574) 233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

It is hard to believe that Rosh Hashanah is nearly upon us. It is the time of year when some become introspective, reviewing the past year, and thinking about what they did well and where they could use improvement. If used correctly, it is also a time to try to finish the year with a bang and further propel one into the new year with renewed vigor.

The Rabbis use a lot of imagery to create the atmosphere of making a cheshbon hanefesh—accounting of one’s soul. The imagery of scales, books of life, and accounting ledgers all have one concept in common, asking us, as individuals, to do self-accounting. Truth be told, Maimonides instructs us that this cheshbon hanefesh should take place each night before we go to sleep so that we can always improve our behaviors and characteristics. Still and all, this period, culminating with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur—the High Holidays, is deemed a propitious time for self-reflection.

For Jewish Family Services (JFS), this season is also the time we have our bi-annual fundraiser for the Virtual Food Pantry. The Pantry program is the most utilized program of JFS, servicing the entire Jewish Michiana area. Regardless of affiliation, all Jews can participate in this program and receive help throughout the year to fend off worries of food insecurity and/or the ability to put gas in their car, so that they can get to their jobs, medical appointments, and other important destinations.

On average, we are sending over $1,700 monthly to our Pantry recipients, thus allowing families and individuals to buy what they need. During the holidays, Yom Tov (holiday) preparations require more spending, and it’s then that the need for funds is truly felt. Our Rabbis tell us that giving tzedakah (charity) is one of the three ways to annul bad decrees—the other two being tefillah (prayer) and teshuva (returning to Hashem and the Torah).

Baruch Hashem, due to the generosity of our amazing community, every campaign that we have launched has met and even surpassed our goals. G-d willing, we will be able to continue this tradition. Our goal for this Rosh Hashanah Appeal is $6,000. Please give whatever you can and help us reach our goal and ensure the viability of our Pantry program. Click here to donate directly on our website.

On behalf of Jewish Family Services and myself, I would like to wish you a happy, healthy, and sweet Rosh Hashanah. In the merit of your donations, may we all merit to see a peaceful end to the conflict in Israel and Gaza, a return of all the hostages, and be sealed in the Book of Life!

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

It is truly a privilege to connect with people and listen to their concerns and successes. It shows people’s trust and willingness to confide in us. Connecting with others is our main reason for being here. We want people to know that they are not alone, and should we be unable to fill their present needs, we will always try to point them in the right direction.

Our most-utilized service is the Virtual Food Pantry. Through the Pantry, we distribute gift cards from various supermarkets in the area, including Midwest Premium Kosher, Martin’s, Meijer, and Walmart. Additionally, to aid our clients, we distribute gas cards from either Speedway or Marathon. This allows them to purchase exactly what they need without any waste. At present, we are distributing approximately $1,700 a month to our clients. (We have a Rosh Hashanah and Passover appeal which enlists our community to help fund this important service.)

Another service we offer is our transportation program. This is geared toward seniors who need rides for shopping, doctor appointments, and other necessary outings. Since September, between our Benton Harbor satellite and here in South Bend, we have given over 150 rides. Lately, due to a lack of drivers, I have had the honor to drive our seniors. It gives me another chance to connect with them on a deeper level as we talk during our travels. (If you would like to volunteer as a driver, please contact me.)

Visiting and speaking with seniors in their homes is an especially meaningful part of JFS. We have the opportunity to spend quality time with our seniors; and thanks to our discussions and updates, they remain part of our extended community. Many enjoy catching up on the local news while reminiscing about how things were when they were more active.

In partnership with the Forever Learning Institute, I offer classes on Jewish History and Thought. Most recently I have completed a course on Jewish figures and events; and next semester I am happy to announce that by request of my students, I will be teaching a class on the Enlightenment and how it has affected Jews throughout history up to this very day. Adult learning classes offer opportunities for social interaction, continued intellectual challenges, and spiritual growth.

Finally, JFS offers a life coaching service. This program is tailored to the client’s needs and helps clients realize their potential. We can help create or tweak a budget, learn how to deal with stress, develop interview skills, and so much more. If you’d like to use this service, just give us a call and we’ll set up a time.

These are just a few highlights of what JFS is doing. Donations are always welcome because clients are never charged a fee for any of the services listed above. Our ability to operate is due to your generous donations to JFS, for which we are grateful.

If you’d like more information or would like to volunteer, please contact us. We look forward to hearing from you.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services

With high school graduation around the corner for my youngest child, what happens on the “day after” for Dad? No more school drop-offs before work. I no longer see any of my kids daily as they go off to seminary, graduate school, or continue their lives away from what I will always call their home. And, while nothing is for sure, no one is planning to return home for an extended stay so I, like so many before me, will experience the “empty nest” syndrome. The question is, “Have I prepared properly? What will I do with this new “extra/free time?”

This column, “Community Connections,” reminds us that we are not meant to live in isolation. While we all need some “me” time, most of our time should be spent in the company of others. Research consistently shows that we lead longer and healthier lives when we are actively engaged in our communities.

Most people are not ready to retire when their last child graduates, so continuing to work softens the “blow” of the empty nest. Work, unless remote, allows one to socialize and keep active. It also gets one out of the house daily.

President Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” If we change the word “country” to “community,” and become active in the synagogue, volunteer for committees, attend/give classes, and attend the daily minyan, we’d expand our networks and help others. Imagine the smile on the face of the Shul President when one volunteers, as opposed to being “voluntold.” As a matter of fact, every Shabbat, we say a special “Mi Shebarach” the rabbis instituted for those who help the congregation. We ask Hashem to:

“Bless those who give lamps for illumination (electric bill), wine for Kiddush and Havdalah, bread for guests and charity for the poor, and those who are involved faithfully in the needs of the community. May Hashem pay their reward and remove from them every affliction, heal their entire body, forgive their every iniquity, and send blessing and success to all their handiwork.”

Imagine that we are asking Hashem to bless those involved faithfully in communal needs. Volunteerism doesn’t cost money; it just requires time and commitment. It is a great way to help oneself and the community. It allows one to utilize the “freed up” time and perform a mitzvah.

At Jewish Family Services and Federation, we have a wide range of opportunities that require volunteers. Whether it’s in the kitchen, our Unity Garden (tending to our vegetables, weeding, harvesting crops, etc.), presenting classes, driving our seniors to appointments, or visiting homebound/nursing facilities (available upon a short meeting on what is required by HIPAA laws), your contribution would be highly valued. Our diverse Federation committees are always open to new members, and it’s a wonderful way to start building connections within our community.

Whether you’re on the brink of the “empty nest” phase or far from it, volunteering in our Jewish community is a rewarding and easy way to connect with people, build your network, and make a difference. It’s a win-win situation, benefitting both the community and you. So, for the sake of your spiritual well-being, your communal spirit, or both, take the step and join us. Email info@thejewishfed.org to get involved. We look forward to your participation.

Have a good Summer!

Rabbi Fred Nebel,
Jewish Family Services Director,
Jewish Federation of St. Joseph Valley

Recently, I passed Century Center and saw their screen advertising, “We are now cashless.”  It was shocking and actually quite alarming. Most people have been operating cashless for years, using debit or credit cards, but refusing cash, which used to be said was “king,” is a very sad development.

There are some positives of a cashless society. One is that you are not as concerned about being robbed. Even if a credit card is stolen, once it is reported, the company renders the card worthless, and any charges the thief may have made are canceled. Deposits from work can be made automatically into your bank account—no more trips to the bank or having to worry about insufficient funds.

However, there are downsides to not using cash, which can affect our ability to budget well.

Cash, even though it has no intrinsic value, is something that we can hold and see. Cash makes money “real,” while credit makes it “theoretical.” Cash is countable and can help you think hard about your real needs vs. momentary desires when holding it in your hand. One is not as careful with plastic as cash, as the cards do not make you “feel” the dollars slipping out of your hands, although that is exactly what is happening. When you pay with a card, you don’t skip a purchase because you don’t want to “break” the $20 bill. You don’t refrain from using a credit card because you don’t have the funds to pay. Sometimes, you don’t even look at the cost of the item. You tend to charge the purchase and deal with the price later.

This makes it hard to keep to or even create a budget. Budgeting is a mindful process. One needs to know what income is being generated, how much one wants to save/invest, use for paying bills, set aside for charity, entertainment, emergency fund, etc. A budget demonstrates in broad terms where one’s money is going. While a budget can be malleable, it should not be a guessing game. One must think about what one’s goal is, which bills take priority, etc. While this can work in a cashless society, it seems much harder for people to manage, as they don’t consider interest charges or fees nor feel the “cost” of their purchases.

A budget can be used as a snapshot of your financial life. It shows if your present lifestyle is maintainable. For example, if one brings in $100 and spends $101, one is not even living paycheck to paycheck; rather, one is living in debt and on the road to bankruptcy. One must make a choice: reduce expenditures or increase income. Without that reality check, one doesn’t really know one’s financial “health.” 

“Mental health” budgeting is as important as monetary health and budgeting. Considering hours in our days as our limited temporal capital to spend, it’s important to consider what we need to maintain our well-being. How many hours should be set aside for work, exercise, free time, spiritual life, family life, “me-time,” etc.?

People often procrastinate, which results in a feeling of wasted time. However, if we actively budget our time, like our finances, I think people will be happier knowing that everything is used in the best way possible.

If you would like help creating your own financial or health budget, let’s set up a time. I am looking forward to working with you.

Baruch Hashem, we have reached (and exceeded) our goal for the Passover fundraiser. I want to thank everyone again for answering our call and responding in such a timely and generous manner.  As I wrote in my last article, like the children who answered the call for donations for building the Mishkan, our community has shown that same eagerness. It has fulfilled the dictum of z’rizim makdimon b’mitzvot - eager people are careful to fulfill the mitzvah right away.”  May we continue to go from success to success!

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

What happened next was truly remarkable. The entire project was funded within 24 hours. People were so invested in making the Tabernacle (the structure that would prove Hashem forgave them for the debacle of the golden calf because the Divine Presence would be manifest in the camp) that they brought everything without any prodding. And then the unthinkable happened: Moshe shut down the campaign. The goal was met, so the announcement said, “Stop bringing materials. We have enough and then some.” That was the only time in history that a campaign was shut down due to its success! There were no calls for “We still have time, and an anonymous donor is willing to match up to $X.” It was just done.

The princes of the people were beside themselves with remorse because they had not yet contributed. They hadn’t immediately donated along with the rest of the nation because they had intended to give only after everyone else had brought their offering and filled in the deficit with what was still needed. After the nation raised the funds so quickly, they had to approach Moshe about how they could be included. But now that everything was brought and the announcement went out to stop donating, what would they do? Moshe told them to bring the 12 stones for the Kohain’s breastplate. This was, to them, a minor offering, and they had learned their lesson: not to wait to see what else is needed but give/do what you want right away. Do not procrastinate and say, “I have time.” This Jewish principle is known as “Z’rizim makdimin b’mitzvot,” referring to eager people careful to fulfill the mitzvah right away.

When I announced the upcoming campaign for the Virtual Food Pantry and invited people to donate before the official launch date of March 25th, our community fulfilled the dictum of “z’rizim makdimin b’mitzvot” and started to give. As I write this article, we are already at 20% of our $8k goal! The generosity and willingness to help others in our community is amazing and very humbling. G-d willing, we will meet our goal and be able to not only help our clients enjoy their seders but also aid them in purchasing groceries throughout the year.

Please be assured that no donation is too small. Every little bit helps us help others in Jewish Michiana.

On behalf of Jewish Family Services (JFS), I wish you a happy, healthy, and kosher Pesach.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

Then, a mere 15 days later, beginning on Rosh Chodesh Nisan, April 9th, we are instructed to donate to the Maot Chitim (money for wheat) fund to ensure that the poor person will be able to purchase their needs for Passover. While Matza is only flour and water, due to the extreme measures taken to ensure that the dough has not become leavened before baking, it is more expensive than regular bread, as are most of the kosher products for Passover use. Not to mention the other delicacies consumed during our Seder and the week of Passover.

What I always found strange and amazing is that both the Purim and Passover “fundraisers” are successful. How could it be that people aren’t tapped out by the first one? 15 or even 30 days is not a major amount of time to generate income, allowing one to give more tzedakah (charity). But, as we see every year, both are effective.

I believe that the reason for their success is that, in both cases, it addresses an immediate need, namely, for people to be able to afford food for the upcoming holiday. Many times, when I am shopping and experiencing the “sticker shock” when purchasing food, I have wondered how people who are either underpaid or living on assistance can make it. At that moment, I thank G-d that I have the wherewithal and am more motivated to donate. Now add to that an upcoming family holiday which we will all celebrate with friends and family, which magnifies our feelings of generosity, so when we receive a solicitation, we are more apt to give even more than usual. Maybe that is why the Rabbis fixed these two calendar times to donate to these special funds.

In that vein, I want to announce the upcoming Maot Chitim drive at Jewish Family Services for our Virtual Food Pantry. Currently, we are servicing between 20-23 families with a projected yearly cost of $21k. Eligible families receive a gas card and/or gift cards to either Martins, Meijer, Midwest Premium Kosher and/or Walmart. These cards allow the family to buy the provisions they need. Invariably, prior to Passover, we are alerted to more families who are in need during this time, so we must be able to provide.

Please help us ensure our families are provided for during this Passover Festival by donating to our Virtual Food Pantry. This year’s goal is $8,000. You, our community members, have always been generous and allowed us to meet our goal, thus enabling us to serve our constituency. Please help us continue this important service.

As we say at the beginning of our Seder, “This is the bread of affliction which our ancestors ate in the land of Egypt. Let all who are hungry enter and eat, and all who are needy come and celebrate the Passover…”

The fundraiser is set, G-d willing, to launch on March 25th! If you want to donate before that, please mark it as “Passover Appeal.”

On behalf of Jewish Family Services, may we all have a happy, healthy, and joyous Purim & Passover.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

As a Rabbi, I have understood that there are two types of questions. The first is the one that is seeking information. The second is a statement with a question mark at the end of the sentence. The first person will appreciate the concrete help that comes their way. The second is making a plea for someone to listen.

When I first began working at the Federation, I received a telephone call from someone who didn’t fit our criteria for financial help. But not wanting to leave the conversation there, I spoke with him about the options and possibilities for where he could find the help he needed. Near the end of the conversation, he told me, “Thank you for your help. Nobody has ever taken the time and effort to hear me out.” He emailed me 24 hours later to say he had found a job and thanked me for my time and guidance.

I’ve had clients who want to speak about what is happening in their lives. Some want a roadmap to solving problems, while others want to be heard needing an understanding ear to listen to them. Once, when speaking with someone venting about something, I stopped the conversation and asked, “Do you want me to offer a solution or just listen?” The person thought and responded, “Just listen.” I was happy to give my full attention without any pressure to offer a solution; the person was delighted knowing I understood what he wanted. It was indeed a win-win situation.

The ability to listen well is only acquired with practice. The first step to being a good listener is to leave your agenda at the door and be there for the client. While my background will surely inform me, it can’t dictate my answers to someone seeking to be heard. As a Rabbi, I am often expected to answer a particular problem in Jewish law. As the Director of JFS, I serve differently by simply being there with and for the other person. In so doing, I can often enable a client to work through and solve some of the issues that brought the client to me. While I may suggest things and ask questions that may help the person get to the root of the situation, it is never my role to solve the problem. That is for the client to do.

When a person feels “heard,” they feel valued. Imagine what could be accomplished if we could all learn to listen to others as they need to be listened to. For many people, it may be just what the doctor ordered.

Let me know if you agree. I look forward to hearing from you.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

As we all know, it was only enough to last for one night, but miraculously lasted for eight days, until a new shipment could be produced that would allow the Menorah to remain lit continuously. We celebrate the spiritual dimension of Judaism, spreading the increasing light of Torah, as is demonstrated as we increase a candle every night for eight nights. It can be seen as a symbol of hope, the proverbial “light at the end of a tunnel.”

We are instructed to celebrate this holiday in a public manner so as to let people experience the victory of light over dark, good over evil. This is especially important since October 7th, when our world was rocked by the savage murders, violence, and kidnappings in Israel and the onslaught of antisemitism that has grown astronomically in the world at large. We have not experienced such an existential threat since the Holocaust! Yet we go on and get ready to bring light into the world as we light our menorahs.

In many places, South Bend included, a large menorah will be lit in the public square. Yet, in a small city in Canada – Moncton, New Brunswick – where only 160 Jews live, the mayor has decided, after 20 years of lighting the menorah in the City Hall, this year it will not happen due to the law of separation of Church and State, although the annual Christmas tree and manger scene, angels and other Christmas trappings, will all remain. While the Jewish community registered their complaint that they did not feel welcome as a result of this double standard, the mayor and her cabinet would not relent. I begin to wonder how long it will take before we are forbidden to openly share our religion here in the USA.

Since the Hamas massacre, we have seen increased antisemitism on our campuses, such as students chanting “From the River to the Sea, Palestine will be free,” (otherwise known as the call for Israel’s total destruction) as well as a call to kill every Jew wherever you find them. Many Jews have started to wonder where all of this is coming from and have started to explore what so many are trying to extinguish. That’s where the Federation can be very helpful.

Baruch Hashem, we have the 613 mitzvot (commandments) which allow us to connect with the Ineffable in a multitude of ways. The commandments include laws of charity, business law, laws of interpersonal relationships, how to speak, eat, etc. There is something that can appeal and talk to everybody. Use the Federation to keep the fire burning!

If you want to help educate people about us, get involved with the Community Relations Council (CRC). The CRC goes into schools and churches and educates about the Holocaust, Israel, etc. They bring in speakers to let us know what is happening locally and around the world.

If you have young children, PJ Library is the address to check out. Every month, free books on Jewish subjects that are kid-friendly and age-appropriate are sent to your home, so that you can learn at your leisure with your kids. Additionally, there are programs that are run at the Federation specifically for this age group.

Our Shaliach program brings Israel into our backyard. Omer Karavani is our shaliach and runs SaBaBaH as well as other programs. He brings Israel alive and gives his personal perspective on what’s really going on.

If you want to help local Jews, Jewish Family Services is the place to go. If someone needs to talk, hits a bump in the financial road, or has anxiety about what’s going on, they need only contact me. In addition, if I can’t help, we have partners who are willing to step in. Mental health professionals as well as educational coaches have reached out to me asking if they can be of any service.

We also offer classes on Jewish history, thought, etc. and are willing to expand our offerings if there is interest. Check out our website, TheJewishFed.org and see what is offered. If you want something else, let us know.

As I wrote last month, what Hamas as well as all of our enemies have shown, is that they don’t distinguish between Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, unaffiliated, etc. We are all just one body to them, namely Jews. Let’s take their lesson to heart and continue to come together like never before! May our Chanukah lights continue to spread light into the world.

Finally, I would like to publicly thank Mike Krueger for his eight years of dedicated service to JFS as one of our main drivers. Mike was very quick to answer the call when I was trying to arrange rides for our clients and was always a pleasure to work with. As of December 31st, he has stated that he would like to retire. Mike will be sorely missed!

If anybody was thinking of volunteering as a driver, now is the time to apply. Please contact me ASAP and we can get the ball rolling. At this point, we have a light load, maybe three rides a month.

Have a happy and healthy Chanukah.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services

For millennia, we have had to deal with anti-Semitism, and it has certainly created a lot of angst and generational trauma. It’s surprising that we can even get out of bed! Dealing with trauma is not simple or the same for everyone. There is a plethora of literature as to how people cope with short term and long-term trauma, which I invite you to explore. And explore it, we should! (Check out some articles on our Facebook page.) Just assuming, “This too will pass,” is not the healthiest path to take. It’s just a way of “kicking the emotion down the road.”

One of the ways to deal with trauma is to talk it out. One prime example is the Jewish way of death and dying. When a loved one dies, our only job is to bury him or her. The mourner is exempted from all positive mitzvot until they get that done. Immediately following the funeral, we go home for a 7-day period in which we sit “shiva.”  Shiva is unique in that the conversation or lack thereof is led by the mourner. When one enters the shiva home, the mourner doesn’t get up to greet the consoler, but rather remains seated. Additionally, there are no regular greetings, such as “Hello,” or “Hi.”  Rather the consoler merely enters and sits down waiting for the mourner to start the conversation, thereby letting the consoler know that the mourner is ready to speak. During the week, the mourner will usually tell, and retell, stories of the deceased again and again. By the end of the shiva, the catharsis has begun, and one can move to the next stage of grieving which starts by leaving the security of the home and going outside and back to work. All the way through, the community is there for the person via services and recital of kaddish. While grieving is very personal, this method ensures that the mourner knows that he or she is not alone.

The same method or message is necessary for the person who is dealing with trauma. We can never force anybody to talk about what happened or say, “Snap out of it,” “Just move on,” or “Stop living in the past.” Rather, we only need to be there for them. 

Whether we have been affected by recent events personally or on a national level, we must remember that we all have different ways to cope and move on. All I can ask and suggest is that we be there for each other. Please feel free to drop in or call me if you’d like to talk. I may not have the answers, but I can certainly listen and be present.

I pray that by the time you read this article that Israel will be at peace and living with security and have a real opportunity to properly heal and then grow to even greater heights. As the saying goes, “May we go from strength to strength.”

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services

Someone recently commented that this community is amazing, because every year as I am faced with the challenge of raising the necessary monies, the community rises to the challenge. And indeed, a quick Google search brings up the fact that the Jewish community is the most philanthropic. I started to wonder why that is the case.

Truly, giving our hard-earned money to charity is not natural for most. When one is inundated with requests for funds from various organizations, how many solicitations end up in the recycling bin without even being opened?

I think a few factors make the Jewish people especially giving. To start with, the Torah teaches, “You shall surely give a 10th of your produce,” which we understand to mean a 10th of our net income to charity. This has been ingrained in us since the founding of our nation. Furthermore, the Rabbis tell us that if we give our proper tithe, that Hashem will repay us in kind. However, if we give less, our net income will be reduced proportionally.

In addition, historically, when we lived in other countries, the ruling governments allowed us to be self-governing, for the most part, because we collected the various taxes as determined by the Torah and took care of our own people. The governments were happy to leave us alone as long as they received the money that they wanted.

There is also a concept in Jewish thought, namely “kol Yisrael araivim zeh b’zeh”- that we are all interconnected and responsible for each other. We rejoice with each other and mourn with each other. It doesn’t matter where we are in the world, when we hear of a Jewish community in peril, we do whatever we can, because they are our family. Family helps family without wanting reciprocity. This may also be a reason that we don’t send invitations to a brit milah or, chas v’shalom - G-d forbid, a house of mourning. Family doesn’t need such formalities; we only have to show up.

These reasons may be the underlying causes of our community’s largesse. Regardless, all I can say is “Thank you” for once again answering my call. I look forward to our continued partnership.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Director of Jewish Family Services,
Jewish Federation of St. Joseph Valley
Phone: (574) 233-1164
Email: rabbinebel@thejewishfed.org

Comedy acts must excel at many things to keep an audience’s interest. Relevance, timing, intonation and edginess are all the moving pieces that decide whether the act will be a success. The only way for a comedian to find success is to constantly reinvent and readjust the act.

Truthfully, the same can be said for every profession and way of life. If we allow any part of our life to remain static, it falls into the trap of becoming stale. When it becomes stale, it is relegated to the trash heap of history.

Imagine being a teacher in the classroom. It is your 15th year, and you use the same lesson plan you used in year one. What happens? The students sense the teacher’s lack of excitement and, like sharks sensing blood in the water, that the teacher is about to be eaten up. The teacher blames behavioral problems on the students, maintaining that these lesson plans are tried and true, and this cannot be at fault. Therefore, it must be the upbringing of the students and social media. While recycling lesson plans is much less time-consuming, I’m reminded of the Mishna in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of our Fathers) that states: “Be deliberate in judgment.” The Rabbis explain that when a case is brought before you and it seems to be like a case that was adjudicated by you on multiple occasions, even so, view it as if it is the first time. The Mishna is teaching us that nothing stays the same and we must view everything as if it is new.

Throughout Deuteronomy, Moshe says, “Today you have received the Torah.” In reality, the Jews received it 40 years earlier. How can Moshe say “Today?” It teaches us that in every generation and every day, we must view the Torah as if we are standing at Mt. Sinai and receiving Hashem’s special gift. As opposed to seeing it as an ancient document, the Torah becomes much more special and valuable to us. It is not stale, but rather a vibrant living document.

Now, imagine, if we take this philosophy and let it permeate the rest of our life. As a teacher, I walk in energized to the classroom with a palatable excitement about what I’m about to teach. The students sense the energy and respond positively, feeling energized by the ambience. They know that what is about to be imparted is important and act accordingly.

Another scenario: I’m sitting in a meeting and hear the same problems and concerns that I heard last time. I feel that nothing has evolved. The paradigm is the same, time after time. The sense of frustration of feeling that all is lost is bubbling to the top. As Winnie the Pooh’s friend Eeyore said, “Oh, what’s the use?” Yet, start the meeting with the accomplishments since last time and the air is filled with hope of change and growth. It is filled with a crispness and understanding that problems and difficulties can be overcome when seen through a different lens.

Or one is unemployed and has signed up for all of the job boards. Multiple applications have been submitted online. Nothing seems to work. You find the book, What Color is your Parachute? and you discover a whole new way to find gainful employment, which totally changes the paradigm that you presently use. You feel invigorated, knowing that the best is yet to come.

Really, it is all about changing the paradigm in one’s mind. Whether looking for a job, profession, partner, community, etc., if one has a positive attitude and continues to see things as new and relevant, malleable, and solvable, nothing becomes impossible. It just becomes a matter of finding a solution. Should one fail in the first or even 15th attempt, it doesn’t mean you should quit, but rather, move on with the same excitement as if this were the first time, just as Moshe instructed us as to how to view the Torah and its instructions!

Rosh Hashanah is nearly here. We are about to have our annual coronation of Hashem as our King. We can enter feeling “same old, same old,” or enter like it is our first time and look forward to the pomp and circumstance that this time of year demands. We can reflect on where we came from and how things have evolved and use that energy to accomplish even more.

Last month, I announced our annual Rosh Hashanah Appeal, in which we are trying to raise $6000 for our Virtual Food Pantry. As stated, my dream is to have automatic monthly donations that will maintain the funding of the Pantry. I am excited by the generosity that I continually see and, with your continued desire to partner with me to ensure the financial stability of our Pantry Program continues, feel confident that we will hit our immediate goal and long-term dream.

On behalf of Jewish Family Services and myself, I pray that we all have a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year. May we all be written and inscribed for a good and sweet year.

Rabbi Fred Nebel
Jewish Family Services Director
574-233-1164 x1806
RabbiNebel@TheJewishFed.org

As Rosh Hashanah nears, we need your support

For the individuals & families we serve, your gift means putting gas into their car to drive to a doctor's appointment or buying essential items at the grocery store to feed their family.

Our JFS Virtual Food Pantry is only made possible through the generous support of people like you. To those who have already given, we thank you sincerely for your support. But if you haven't yet, there is still time to make a difference. Please donate any amount towards our goal of $6,000.

Click here to make your donation